OTTAWA – Martin Hendricks, 43, emerged from his house this morning and immediately began slipping on the ice build up on his driveway, only for the process of him falling to go on for an unimaginably long time.
“I saw him lose his balance from across the street and I was like well, here he goes,” said neighbour Steve. “But he just kept fighting and fighting to stay upright, even as it became very clear this was not going to work out for him.”
“Just go down man,” he added.
Steve wasn’t the only neighbour to witness the event. As Martin’s yelps and swears echoed throughout the cul-de-sac more and more people emerged from their houses to watch. Several took the time to brew coffee or pop popcorn in order to make the viewing experience more enjoyable.
“Oh man, when he does go it’s going to be amazing,” said one. “Like when a firework finally explodes.”
“I probably should help him,” said Hendricks wife Nicole, watching out the window as Martin tried in vain to grab on to the family mailbox for support. “But then there would just be two of us out there looking like idiots.”
Finally Martin could fight no longer. His legs shot out from under him, his head and back went parallel, and he descended with a poetic slam onto the interlocking brick below, prompting cheers and applause from the crowd. This was immediately followed by hushed mutterings of “oh shit, I think he is really hurt.”
At press time Hendricks was indeed really hurt.