OTTAWA – Following their shockingly quick acceptance of Saudi teen Rahaf Mohammed al-Qunun’s refugee claim, the Trudeau government has officially amended Canada’s refugee intake questionnaire to give claimants the opportunity to indicate how much accepting their claim will or will not shame the government of Saudi Arabia.
“A refugee is anyone with a valid claim of persecution if they are returned to their home country,” said minister of immigration Ahmed Hussen. “But if that person is also a Saudi citizen whose admission will make the government we are currently in a political fight with look bad, then they are what we now call a ‘Double Refugee’ and we let them in straight away.”
“Also, moving forward, refugees will get bonus points if they have a strong social media game. And if they have more than 50,000 twitter followers Chrystia Freeland will personally meet them at the airport and welcome them to Canada” he added.
The new form will ask detailed questions about whether the person seeking asylum has ever faced violence or threats of violence, whether they are a member of persecuted religious minority, and whether Saudi Prince Mohammed Bin Salman would be like, so ticked off, if that person got to come to Canada.
“In light of Saudi Arabia’s poor human rights record and habit of murdering journalists, Canada has no choice but to respond in the most Canadian way possible – doing something nice that is also super passive aggressive,” said Hussen.
Canada and Saudi Arabia have been locked in a political battle ever since Canada publicly criticized the regime’s human rights record. The decision to admit Rahaf has been seen by many as a further provocation in this conflict. But PM Trudeau claimed at a press conference it was simply another example of Canada’s commitment to human rights, before he moved on to justify the government’s recent violent incursion on the Wet’suwet’en pipeline blockade.
“Canada having a fair, objective and spite-based refugee system is exactly what makes us such a unique and welcoming country. And that is why our indefinite detention centres are full of refugees who want to come here to make a better life for themselves and their families,” advised Hussen.
Sources indicate the government has no set limit on how many Saudi dissidents Canada will take, but plan to take as many as necessary to undo the damage from the arms deal they still have with Saudi Arabia.