TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Canada to quit being such a whiny Toronto baby about the snow.
“Dude, you now how much it snows in Winnipeg?! You pansies have it so easy,” said co-worker Scott after Jamal had the temerity to look like maybe he was about to say something about the snow.
“What are you going to do? Call the army again?” teased Scott further after Jamal came back from lunch and brushed some snow out of his hair.
From coast to coast Canadians have come together to remind Torontonians not to say one goddamn word about the recent snowfall or freezing weather conditions, because it is often colder and/or snowier in the places they choose to live.
“Knowing it has been colder than this on a regular basis in Medicine Hat or wherever actually makes me feel warmer,” said Jamal as he shivered his way to the subway, which was currently delayed by about 3 hours.
At press time everyone agreed that if anyone from Vancouver even mentioned how warm it still is there, we would punch them right in their stupid face.