ATLANTA – More than fifteen months into the global COVID-19 pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has announced that children returning to in-person learning can finally …
Ontario beams Bat Signal into night sky to see if Batman can take a crack at vaccine rollout
TORONTO – In the wake of a disastrous vaccine rollout and an out-of-control third wave of coronavirus, desperate Ontarians have sought out leadership by beaming the Bat Signal into the nigh…
Nobel Prize-winning fighter pilot with PhD almost meets requirements for entry level job
REGINA – A local Nobel Prize winner with a doctoral degree and a thousand logged hours of flight time as a fighter pilot was pleased to browse Indeed.ca this past weekend and discover that …
Canada to distribute remaining vaccines through “Roll up the Rim to Win” contest
OTTAWA – After encountering difficulties with early vaccine rollouts, the Government of Canada has announced that it plans to distribute all remaining vaccines through a Tim Hortons “Roll U…
Inspiring! Clubhouse community comes together to make sure you don’t get an invite
SAN FRANCISCO – In a heartwarming display of solidarity, the entire community of the audio-only social media platform Clubhouse have banded together to make sure that you, specifically, nev…
Hundreds of Millennials treated for bruised egos after trying to middle-part hair
LETHBRIDGE – Doctors across Canada have been overwhelmed by a sudden surge of Millennials being treated for bruised egos and wounded pride after trying to middle-part their hair. “We’re st…
“Canada has a black woman on our money,” boasts white liberal who does not know her name
HALIFAX – In an online Twitter argument late Saturday night, local white liberal Jordyn Michaud landed a devastating blow against her American opponent by pointing out that Canada already h…
“The outdoors is lava!” cry desperate public health officials
OTTAWA – As new cases of COVID-19 continue to skyrocket across the country, Canada’s top public health officials have banded together in desperation to declare that the outdoors is, in fac…
Governor brags that death tolls are bigger in Texas
AUSTIN – Texas Governor Greg Abbott brought an end to state-wide mask mandates and gathering restrictions late Tuesday evening, boasting that – like everything else – state coro…
Federal government unveils new guidelines to help stranded snowbirds go fuck themselves
OTTAWA – With an increasing number of Canadians encountering medical debts or immigration difficulties after spending the winter in the United States, the Canadian federal government has un…
