LOS ANGELES – Following the success of their hit movies MALEFICENT and CRUELLA, Disney have announced that it plans to continue the trend of movies that humanize and sympathize with famous …
Trudeau pledges to begin all land acknowledgements with another, less sincere land acknowledgement
OTTAWA – In light of renewed attention to the horrors of residential schools, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that he will be taking immediate action on reconciliation by beginn…
Nova Scotia announces new measures to contain the spread of New Brunswickers
HALIFAX – In a surprise move, the province of Nova Scotia has announced additional restrictions at its border, aimed at containing the spread of New Brunswickers. “We know that these new re…
CDC announces that schoolchildren can finally swap masks for bulletproof vests
ATLANTA – More than fifteen months into the global COVID-19 pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has announced that children returning to in-person learning can finally …
Ontario beams Bat Signal into night sky to see if Batman can take a crack at vaccine rollout
TORONTO – In the wake of a disastrous vaccine rollout and an out-of-control third wave of coronavirus, desperate Ontarians have sought out leadership by beaming the Bat Signal into the nigh…
Nobel Prize-winning fighter pilot with PhD almost meets requirements for entry level job
REGINA – A local Nobel Prize winner with a doctoral degree and a thousand logged hours of flight time as a fighter pilot was pleased to browse Indeed.ca this past weekend and discover that …
Canada to distribute remaining vaccines through “Roll up the Rim to Win” contest
OTTAWA – After encountering difficulties with early vaccine rollouts, the Government of Canada has announced that it plans to distribute all remaining vaccines through a Tim Hortons “Roll U…
Inspiring! Clubhouse community comes together to make sure you don’t get an invite
SAN FRANCISCO – In a heartwarming display of solidarity, the entire community of the audio-only social media platform Clubhouse have banded together to make sure that you, specifically, nev…
Hundreds of Millennials treated for bruised egos after trying to middle-part hair
LETHBRIDGE – Doctors across Canada have been overwhelmed by a sudden surge of Millennials being treated for bruised egos and wounded pride after trying to middle-part their hair. “We’re st…
“Canada has a black woman on our money,” boasts white liberal who does not know her name
HALIFAX – In an online Twitter argument late Saturday night, local white liberal Jordyn Michaud landed a devastating blow against her American opponent by pointing out that Canada already h…