ABBERSHIRE, UK – Residents of the quiet, picturesque village of Abbershire have found themselves approaching the New Year in shame and disappointment after it was announced that they had failed t…
“Spread cheer at Christmas!” tweets woman who just threw defective holiday candle at 16-year-old cashier
TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, Sandra Johnson, a mother of three with an active social media presence, tweeted the heart-warming sentiment “Spread cheer at Christmas!” to her followers, just five…
House votes to give Senate a good laugh
WASHINGTON — In a move widely believed to be inspired by the good-natured cheer of the holiday season, the House of Representatives voted yesterday to give the Senate a good ol’ chuckle by …
Watchful cat beginning to make introverted ceiling demon nervous
VANCOUVER – A demon that resides in the corner of the Johnson family’s living room ceiling has been growing increasingly concerned about the attentions of its host family’s 14-year-old cat, Mr. S…
Terrible first date enters 7,200th second
MONTREAL — In a seemingly never-ending sequence of horrible moments, a first date between Melanie Tremblant and Danny Simpson has just entered its 7,200th second and currently shows no signs of e…
Stormwatch: That one restaurant patio is still open
TORONTO — Following the recent first major snowfall of the year, Torontonians are bundling up in preparation for the long, cold winter ahead. However, Big Louie’s Bar and Grill has attracted atte…
Pragmatic supervillain sets sights on conquering small Midwestern township
LANESBORO, MN – Residents of a tiny American township were mildly confused last week when Professor Mastermind, a prolific supervillain famous for his use of mind control, announced that he…
Local woman spends day off terrified she’s forgetting something
TORONTO – Yesterday, Lindsay Crawford experienced her first full day off in two months, an event that should have involved nothing but stress-free relaxation. However, the 30-year-old spent the e…
Kidnappers arrested for taking the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl
TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, David Watts and Reggie Gormley were arrested and jailed after abducting 25-year-old Kaylyn Wilkins from her farm the night before and bringing her into the city. Th…
Creepy backwoods gas station attendant concerned teens aren’t taking his warnings seriously
KAMLOOPS, BC – Gas station worker Martin Kowalski, who has often been described as “creepy and probably murderous” by locals, has been growing concerned lately that teenagers passing through aren…
