VANCOUVER — Across the city Spring has begun unfolding in all the predictable ways; flowers blooming, jackets shrinking, and The Sun, that deadbeat asshole, sneaking back into our lives expecting…
Tag: Featured Post
BC gov’t vows old-growth forests will be protected, varnished
VICTORIA – In honour of Earth Day, the BC Government has reaffirmed its commitment to protect the province’s remaining ancient, old-growth forests using a number of varnishes, stains, or se…
Efficient new edition of TurboTax just asks how much fraud you’re comfortable with
OTTAWA – Sources have learned that this year’s standard edition of TurboTax skips right to the point by asking “So, how much you wanna try pulling over on the feds?” when the program is launched.…
NHL refs congratulate NBA counterpart for screwing over Toronto team “even better than we do”
TORONTO – In the wake of the Toronto Raptors second straight loss to the Philadelphia 76ers the NHL referees association has congratulated NBA officiating for screwing over the Toronto base…
End of COVID celebrated by blasting immunocompromised people out of circus cannons
TORONTO – Grateful Canadians are gathering each evening to celebrate the conclusion of the deeply unpopular COVID-19 pandemic with the 7:00 pm launch of immunocompromised people from circus…
Easter Bunny freezes eggs to focus on career
BERLIN — The disappointment of millions of children worldwide was palpable Sunday morning after the Easter Bunny announced it would be ‘freezing’ its iconic egg hunt for the foreseeable future in…
Furious Liberals deny accusation that they’re trying to protect the environment
OTTAWA – Environment Minister Steven Guilbeault is adamant that the Conservatives are lying about the Liberals imposing a new green tax on pickup trucks and wants to assure the public that …
Kids play house by having their imaginary friend price them out of the market
EDMONTON – Eight-year-old Mason Wright and seven-year-old Olivia Glass have been busy playing house all afternoon by pretending to have their hearts set on a property, only for Mason’s imaginary …
“As we know, I invented Twitter” claims Elon Musk three months from now
SAN FRANCISCO — Tech billionaire Elon Musk launched a hostile takeover of Twitter today shortly after becoming the company’s single largest shareholder. While the social media platform’s future i…
COVID enters 6th wave despite clearly running out of ideas by Wave 3
OTTAWA — The Public Health Agency of Canada confirmed today that the country is now in the 6th wave of the COVID-19 pandemic signaled by the all too familiar pattern of climbing case numbers. Whi…
