Markham, ON – Local man, Mark Hamilton, stores his milk carton on it’s side like a goddamn fucking animal. “It’s just more ergonomic this way,” stated a deranged Hamilton, who wedged the af…
Tag: Featured Post
Woman who paid taxes for first time now starting every sentence with “as a taxpayer”
VANCOUVER – Lillian Osterhouse is pleased to finally have made enough money this year to pay taxes and has some very strong opinions about how that money should be spent. “As a taxpayer, I …
Saskatchewan man listing Provinces always forgets to include Saskatchewan
REGINA – Tim Hardstark, a life-long resident of the Province of Saskatchewan, always forgets to include Saskatchewan when attempting to list all 10 provinces and 3 territories. “Let&#…
New law makes it legal to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars
OTTAWA – The federal government passed a new law this morning making it legal for any Canadian, of any age, to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars. “Obviously vigilante justice a…
4 COVID-Safe activities to do this summer if Doug Ford’s buddies say it’s OK
After 14 months of COVID we’re all anxious to get back to fun summer activities. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like we’ll be fully vaccinated until September/October, but there …
Quëbéc’s nêw Bill 96 will introducé swêèping changês to èxisting Ënglish languagê laws
Montrëal — Thë massivê Frënch-languagë réform bill, Bill 96, would ênablé thè Québécois govèrnmènt to ènact swéêping mêasurès for thé purposé of protëcting thè Frénch languagê. Thé Bill contains …
Nation’s slashers applaud decision to reopen summer camps
MONT-LAURIER, QC — After being shuttered last year due to the pandemic, summer camps in several provinces have begun preparations to reopen in anticipation of hosting throngs of excited campers a…
Stephen Harper pretty sure he was sent long-form census on purpose
CALGARY – As Canadians complete their 2021 Census, former PM Stephen Harper is pretty sure it isn’t an accident that he is one of the 25% of people asked to complete the long-form ver…
Dissolved Proud Boys rebrand as “Hoity-toity Boys”
OTTAWA – After being designated as a terrorist group by the Canadian government, the Proud Boys have dissolved to rebrand themselves as the “Hoity-toity Boys.” “We are big strong men who do…
