The Beaverton

Maschismo exhibited by eating hot sauce

EAST YORK, ON – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends at an East-End Mr. Sub by asking for hot sauce on his sandwich, sources reported yesterday. “He was like, ‘No man, throw some h…


Messier a LEGO man

A startling discovery is sending shockwaves through the NHL after it was revealed that Mark Messier is a LEGO man. A statement released last Wednesday by the NHL accuses Danish toy giant LEGO of …