TORONTO – The members of the Liberal party of Canada reluctantly accepted the inevitable on Sunday, choosing Justin Trudeau as their new leader by a 20,000 vote margin over his closest competitor.
“Originally, I was going to vote for Cauchon,” said delegate Mary Foster, “but then I just thought ‘ughhh, I mean… shit, what can you do?’ So I voted for that instead.”
The newly elected leader took the stage to chants of “why not” shortly after his victory was announced.
“I want all the members of this great party to know that their reluctant acceptance of me has given me the strength needed to go out and convince millions of Canadians that I am the least shitty option available to them,” said Trudeau in a speech that was frequently interrupted by audience members yelling out “okay.”
“The upcoming election will not about me, or prime minister Harper. It will be about me not being prime minister Harper,” he added.
