NAPANEE, ON – Hospital administrator Justin Trawick accomplished a feat few, if any, thought possible last Saturday when he managed to eat an entire loaf of baguette before the forces of carbon dioxide and starch molecule crystallization were able to transform the bread into a rock-hard, inedible slab of grain.
“Frankly, I had doubts it could be done too,” said Trawick. “But when you buckle down and set your mind to it, anything is possible.”
Trawick got off to a strong start by having a lunch of the baguette dipped in olive oil and vinegar, but things really picked up when his girlfriend Julianne requested Bruschetta for dinner.
As Trawick loaded tomatoes onto the pieces of bread he had sliced off, he looked over and noticed that he had less than half the loaf remaining. “Thats when I knew for sure, that I was going to fucking do this,” said Trawick.
The challenge was far from easy. After Julianne fell asleep, Trawick stood over his kitchen sink at 1:00 am, dipping the already hardening bread into a glass of milk and then reluctantly forcing it down his gullet. When that strategy failed he briefly considered toasting the loaf, only to find that “the toasting window had closed.” All that was left was to close his eyes, think positive thoughts, and chew.
But once the end piece had been finally digested, Trawick found himself full, not just with processed carbohydrates, but of inspiration
“Up ‘til now, my life has been a little disappointing. But after today I’m going to go out there and seize my moments. No more living in fear!”
At press time, Trawick was buying bags of milk without even looking at the expiry date.
