Franklin expedition ship still one of Canadian navy’s most advanced

OTTAWA – Royal Canadian Navy officials were overjoyed on Tuesday to learn that their most advanced ship, which was last seen in 1848, had finally been located near King William Island. “This is a…

Margaret Atwood’s latest book, all other books, to remain unread for 100 years

TORONTO – In what is being called an exciting artistic experiment, beloved author Margaret Atwood has released a new work to be placed in a time capsule where it, like the thousands of the …

Edmonton man can’t scratch mosquito bites due to snow gloves

EDMONTON – Local man Taylor Webster has been having difficulty satisfactorily scratching the many mosquito bites he got last week at the lake, likely because the recent snowfall has require…

William and Kate confirm: ‘we just can’t stop boning’

LONDON – With the news of a second baby on the way, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have confirmed they both “really like boning.” “We are very pleased to announce that our co…

DNA tests ‘prove’ that Jack the Ripper was a super weird dude

LONDON – Following years of DNA testing on one of the only surviving pieces of physical evidence, British scientists have conclusively determined that notorious serial murderer Jack the Rip…

September 6th, 1917: Billy Bishop shoots down entire German air force

NEAR ARRAS, FRANCE – Canadian fighter ace Captain Billy Bishop of the Royal Flying Corps has shot down the entire German Imperial Air Force capping his aerial victory count to 3,268. After …

Harper finally gets to send troops to Iraq after 11 year wait

NEWPORT, WALES – After waiting over a decade, Prime Minister Stephen Harper will get his wish to send Canadian troops to Iraq. “Canada can be proud to fight alongside with our US allies in …

11 year-olds in tree house divided over ‘no girls’ policy

VANCOUVER – Controversy has struck the tree fort in Jeffrey Lewis’s backyard following the implementation of a ‘no girls’ rule. “It’s my fort and I say no girls!” said Lewis. “I don’t even …

Joan Rivers dies in last season’s hospital gown

NEW YORK – Legendary comedian Joan Rivers has passed away today wearing a plain, cotton hospital gown that was “so last year,” according to the 81-year-old. “Plain white with polka dots? Th…

Guitarist at bar knows audience is going to love his version of ‘Time of Your Life’

HAMILTON — This past Saturday an amateur musician attending an Open Mic Night at Dooney’s Pub was ready to blow the crowd away with his personal rendition of Green Day’s “…