SAGUENAY – The secular community was up in arms Wednesday after discovering the council had passed a motion to mix Holy Water with the city’s main water supply to ‘bless the heathens living in sin.’
“These souls aren’t going to get into heaven by just lounging around and disputing every logical flaw found within the confines of the bible on the internet,” Mayor Jean Tremblay told reporters. “If the Supreme Court isn’t going to let me say my daily prayer in front of eight bored people, everyone gets blessed!”
Alain Simoneau, victim of the spiking incident, was outraged at the council’s religious actions, but admits he did undergo a brief, “out of body religious” experience and “admiration for the Pope” once he drank it.
“I didn’t notice anything different at first,” Simoneau said. “Then all of a sudden, I had this overwhelming sense of guilt for everything I had ever done in my life. I just felt terrible, you know, for existing!”
While no injuries have been reported since the city has introduced Holy Water, at least three men have converted to Catholicism while the sole female councilwoman, Marie Bouclair, joined a nunnery.
