BY CONSTABLE SHERMAN McGARRY, CALGARY POLICE DEPARTMENT
Uh, Hi. I hate to bother you with this problem, but have you seen where I put my Colt C8 assault rifle that I put somewhere?
Oh boy, I’d be in a lot of trouble if anyone in the police department found out that I lost weapon capable of mass murder. I mean could you imagine if that got into the hands of the wrong people? Like my partner, Larry, who can’t shoot worth shit.
The the gun is long, has a trigger and comes with lots of bullets. You point it at things that you want to die and you look really cool holding it. Like you’re one of the characters from The Expendables. Did you see that movie? It was awesome!
But seriously though, where the hell is it? I could have left it at the playground after I let those kids play with it. Or the gun could possibly be in my car after my friends and I got drunk on moonshine and shot up some stop signs in the backcountry. Man, that was a fun night!
Anyway, if you see it, give me a call and please don’t point the barrel at your face.
