Brendan Shanahan fires himself
Toronto – Fresh off of a wave of firings including interim head coach Peter Horachek , GM Dave Nonis, and the entire front office, Toronto Maple Leafs President Brendan Shanahan entered a b…
Yukon RCMP investigating why man assaulted by police officer wasn’t shot
WHITEHORSE – Yukon RCMP are investigating an incident caught on video showing one of their members inside a home assaulting a man and not shooting him. “This is a disturbing video,” said Sg…
Mike Holmes breaks into house to check if it has knob and tube wiring
TORONTO – Famous contractor and television host Mike Holmes has allegedly furthered his hatred of knob and tube wiring by forcing his way into a local residence to check out the electrical …
Republicans looking forward to using less racism, more sexism
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she will be running for President of the United States of America, many Republicans are relieved that they will be able …
‘We told you so’ clean up underway in Vancouver’s English Bay
VANCOUVER – In what every Vancouver resident has said was an “utterly predictable eventuality,” one of the tankers that line English Bay has leaked tons of “we totally saw…
Foreign friend keeps calling it ice hockey
EDMONTON – Although he reported being generally happy that his English friend Simon had come for a visit, local man Carl Terrace did wish he would stop referring to our national obsession a…
Greece demands Iran pay 800 billion euros in reparations from Greco-Persian wars
ATHENS – Following a conveniently timed demand that Germany pay further reparations arising from its occupation of Greece during WWII, the Greek government has gone on to demand the governm…
Jurors in Mike Duffy trial each receive mysterious $90,000 cheque
OTTAWA – Before the start of what will be the political trial of the year, the jurors deciding the fate of embattled Senator Mike Duffy have inexplicably all received a cheque for $90,000. …
Man lives in Moose Jaw of his own free will
MOOSE JAW, SK – Sources report that Greg Abbott, 36, recently moved to Moose Jaw as a personal choice, done without any sort of coercion. “I like it here,” said the inventory manager, who m…
Leafs platinum ticket holder throws Armani dinner jacket onto ice
TORONTO – After spending thousands of dollars on season tickets and pre-game sushi only to see the Leafs lose again and again, local man and ACC Platinum Club member Winston Scott joined th…
