EDMONTON – Although he reported being generally happy that his English friend Simon had come for a visit, local man Carl Terrace did wish he would stop referring to our national obsession as “ice hockey.”
“Its such a small complaint I know, but every time he says something like ‘you Canadians sure do love that ice hockey’ or ‘is there an ice hockey match on tonight?’ I just want to grab him and scream ‘It’s just hockey! Hockey! You limey fuck.’” said Terrace. “But instead I smile and try to explain how icing works for the 15th time.”
“One time I made a friendly suggestion that he drop the ice part since there are no other kinds of hockey but he started to describe this game involving kilts and some kind of screwed up baseball bat that I’m pretty sure he was making up as he went along,” Terrace added.
Simon was very excited to get to go to an Oilers game in person however.
“A real life ice hockey match, oh boy! I didn’t realize how small your ice nets were, that ice goalkeeper nearly blocks the whole ice thing! Say your ice forwards seem to be having a tough time getting the ice ball outside that blue iceline. Also why is beer so expensive here,” he said as they watched the game.
At press time Simon was loudly lecturing everyone in the vicinity about the way offside rules work in football.
