UNITED STATES – Despite the cryptic warning given by the one-eyed shopkeep, several months ago The United States used a monkey’s paw to wish for a proactive president, a wish they now regret mak...
Australia PM to Trump: “We’re the racist ones mate”
SYDNEY – A would be friendly phone conversation between United States President Donald Trump and Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull ended abruptly over the weekend after Turnbull insiste...
Tim Hortons employees completely unaware of what’s on menu
BURLINGTON, ON – Several customers were forced to leave a Tim Hortons hungry yesterday after staff of the coffee shop admitted that none of them had any idea what was on the menu. Like many Tim ...
The Beaverton launches crowdfunding campaign to finance investigative report on why Ezra Levant is such a fuckface
Dear Readers, What the fuck is wrong with Ezra Levant? After the terrorist attack on a Quebec City mosque resulted in the arrest of a lone gunman, Alexandre Bissonette – a noted white nationalis...
Groundhog predicts there are only 9 springs left
BREAKING: The Groundhog Day winter prediction got a little weird...
Quiz: Can you make it through the “extreme vetting” Donald Trump is proposing for visitors to the U.S.?
Donald Trump has proposed more stringent criteria for people wishing to enter the United States of America. Here is an exclusive view of the questions would-be visitors must answer. Sources Praying Mo...
Local man too old and tired to pretend he doesn’t like Coldplay
TORONTO – Creeping into his late twenties and starting to notice the small signs of inevitable decline in his body, local man Jason Santos no longer cares enough to pretend he doesn’t enjoy the ...
New Ontario driver’s test includes post-structural philosophy, euclidean geometry
Barry’s Bay, ON – Ontarians looking to obtain their driver’s licenses will now be required to brush up on their semioticians, Derrida, and mathematics before they’re permitted to drive. Official...
Michael Chong starting to think Tories aren’t very left-wing at all
OTTAWA – Tory leadership hopeful Michael Chong reiterated his reservations this week about the rhetoric espoused by his rivals for the party’s nomination, telling supporters that he’s starting to thin...
Is Saskatchewan finally having its moment?
We finally give some coverage to the Land of the Living Skies....
