Barry’s Bay, ON – Ontarians looking to obtain their driver’s licenses will now be required to brush up on their semioticians, Derrida, and mathematics before they’re permitted to drive.
Officials at Ontario’s Ministry of Transportation decided to revise their policy after 98% of new drivers were unable to provide a revaluation of classic western dialectics as it relates to driving and provided little knowledge of the metaphysics of presence.
“New drivers must be familiar with the rules of a road, a parallel postulate, and the concept of metalanguage,” explained MTO’s Larry Nowicki. “We will evaluate a new driver on their ability to parallel park, merge safely into lanes, and complete 20 page assignment explaining the merits of Michel Foucault’s ‘Madness and Civilization’. During the road test, we require the testee to calculate the volume of a parallelepipedal solid while performing a roadside stop.”
Ontario has become one of the most stringent jurisdictions for driver’s test requirements. This is in stark contrast to the Yukon driver’s assessment, which is a simple sobriety test.