Top 5 back-to-school wines for teachers

The school year is just beginning, which means that it’s time for teachers across the nation to restock their secret caches of wine. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by the hundreds of choices!…

Toronto school bus driver shortage solved by friendly stranger in windowless van full of candy

TORONTO – The “unanticipated” shortage of school bus drivers that left more than a thousand TDSB students unable to get to school this week has since been resolved by a friendly stranger in a win…

Unpaid intern to replace Peter Mansbridge as host of The National

TORONTO – Following Peter Mansbridge’s announcement that he will be retiring as host of The National in 2017, CBC has announced that they will be filling the role with an unpaid internship.…

Report: 100% of wireless Apple headphones already lost between couch cushions

SAN FRANCISCO – Following today’s Apple keynote announcement of their iPhone 7 featuring new wireless headphones, Apple users have reported that 100% of the new “AirPods” have been lost in …

Tom Hiddleston releases sad break-up song about Taylor Swift

LOS ANGELES — Coming off his recent split with Taylor Swift, Hollywood actor Tom Hiddleston has penned a soulful ballad about the pain he has experienced since the end of the relationship. …

Local couple get sneak peek of their new favourite TV show, The Beaverton

TORONTO – Local couple Tina and William were able to spend their evening watching a live recording of the new Beaverton TV show, the very important televised adaptation of the very importan…

University hazing: first year English Literature students forced to read Milton out loud

KINGSTON – Queen’s University administration is currently investigating a hazing incident involving first year English literature students who were forced to read Books IV to IX of Milton’s…

Opposing football players discover they’ve been praying to same god

EAST RUTHERFORD – Minutes before kickoff of an NFL game, New York Jets cornerback Derrelle Revis and Dallas Cowboys tight end Jason Witten overheard each other praying to the same god for v…

Mansbridge retirement leaves nation’s mothers with precious few remaining sexual fantasies

TORONTO – Peter Mansbridge’s announcement that he will be retiring in July 2017 have left the middle-aged mothers of Canada with even fewer celebrities about which to sexually fantasize. “H…

Drake finally gets under the shirt, over the bra with Rihanna

TORONTO — Over the long weekend, the nation was jubilant to receive news that Toronto-born rapper Drake had finally gotten to second base with girlfriend Rihanna. The news about the progres…