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Progressive company introduces unisex boardrooms

MONTREAL – In an effort to promote inclusivity within their company, mutual fund giant QPM Investments has announced a bold new plan to introduce boardrooms.

“In 2017, having separate council chambers for our male and female board members is frankly a bit archaic,” said HR spokesperson Katrina Koehlberg. “So we are attempting to rectify this issue by integrating the two rooms into one boardroom.”

“It may sound a little extreme,” she added, “but we believe that businesses need to innovate to survive.”

According to company insiders, the new plan is already underway. Workers have been instructed to remove the designated “Chairmen” and “Chairwomen” signs currently hanging on the adjacent boardroom doors, and replace them with a single gender diversity logo.

However, some board members have expressed reluctance to the new integrated boardroom, saying they find it “a little embarrassing” to carry out their fiduciary duties in such close proximity to the opposite sex.

Others, like board member Rob MacDougall, are concerned that the change will lead to an increase in workplace . “Everyone knows what happens when men and women share a conference table,” said MacDougall. “How are men supposed to control their sexual urges when a woman is proposing to switch from a residual dividend policy to a hybrid dividend policy mere inches from them?”

Others within the company complained that the move represents a violation of privacy. However, Koehlberg dismissed those concerns, saying that if men and women want privacy, they can always go to their respective cafeterias.

The forward-thinking company said it was excited to unveil some of their other new plans. To begin with, they intend to convert the freed-up boardroom into a safe space for executives of colour, should they ever have some one day.

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