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Editorial: Have you tried the healing powers of crystals? – by your coworker Julie

BY: YOUR COWORKER JULIE

Greetings all,

I know many of you made New Year’s Resolutions to get healthy – good for you! Such a brave step. I am proud of you!

With so much misinformation about fad diets and WebMDs out there, I thought you’d want to hear from a reliable source – your co-worker Julie! As you know, I am a gluten-free vegan – BY CHOICE – with a passion for fresh pressed juices, so who better to guide you on your journey!

John, I hear you coughing all the way down the hall. You poor thing! Have you tried eating oranges and taking echinacea? I know the last time I suggested it you scoffed and claimed to have an “autoimmune disease” but, John, I really think you’re standing in the way of your body’s ability to heal. Have you considered positive thinking and fresh ginger? I know it works wonders for me when my nose is runny. Plus, you can sleep soundly knowing you are no longer supporting BIG PHARMA! And if that doesn’t work, you should pick up some gemstones. I know crystal therapy has helped me get over the Monday Blues.

Becky, I know you enjoy organizing office-wide birthday and holiday celebrations. But can I suggest we steer clear of sweets and carbs? Why not get creative! How about crustless, sugarless FRUIT pie buffet next week to mark Mark’s birthday? I like to cut up organic apple slices, and sprinkle chia seeds and cinnamon on them. I swear, you’ll think you’re eating your grandma’s apple pie! And don’t forget – Whole Foods or bust, Becky!

Raj, I see you going running during your lunch break. Love your dedication, pal! But, have you tried YOGA? I don’t know if you’re aware but running is TERRIBLE on your joints. It’s actually WORSE than sitting all day and doing nothing. Yoga is really the answer. If you don’t know, yoga is a spiritual practice from INDIA. It’s a beautiful way to get in touch with your b.o.d.y.a.n.d.m.i.n.d.

Lastly, to all, it’s time you finally follow through on your promises to cut down on coffee! Join me today in the breakroom at 2PM to try my HOMEMADE kombucha!

If everyone just takes my simple advice, I think you will all learn to FINALLY love and RESPECT your bodies!

Watch complete episodes of the Beaverton here, and to see the Beaverton live at Toronto SketchFest on March 11, click here
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