America kicking itself for not inaugurating the guys from Duck Dynasty

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – Upon the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are just waking up to the fact that they could have installed anyone they wanted in office, up to and includ…

Single piece of Canadian news drags its bloody, mangled carcass onto local man’s Facebook feed

MONTREAL – After barely managing to get onto the front page of the CBC website, a single piece of Canadian news has, against all odds, managed to find its way onto local man Jared Pulver’s …

Local parents worried baby’s online brand not strong enough

MONTREAL — Local parents Tim and Suzanne Skinner share a common fear of many new parents of the 21st century: is their baby’s online brand strong enough? “I read a study in the Journal of E…

U.S. Joint Chiefs caught buying book on how to stage military coups

Only one day after Donald Trump’s inauguration, several members of the U.S. Joint Chiefs Of Staff were spotted today at a Washington area Barnes and Nobel purchasing a copy of “How To Stage…

Mom’s cabin fleece merges irreversibly with body

MONT-TREMBLANT, QC — After a weekend spent skiing and drinking hot cocoa with her family at a cabin in the Laurentians, the last thing local mom Dawn Frick expected was to be melded permane…

Breaking: Trudeau loses only black friend

OTTAWA – Sources close to the PM say Justin Trudeau is heartbroken by Trump’s inauguration, as it means he will no longer be in close contact with his only “diverse” friend: U.S. President …

Mike Pence takes moment during VP oath to lecture Ruth Bader Ginsburg on length of her robes

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – During the crowning moment of his political career, Vice President-elect Mike Pence decided to take a moment during his oath of office to explain why the length of Ru…

America opts for open-casket inauguration

WASHINGTON DC – As per America’s wishes, today’s presidential inauguration ceremony will be open-casket. Funeral Director Kellyanne Conway decided to have the public viewing so that the wor…

Trudeau investigated for vacation to the Kubla Khan’s private stately pleasure dome

OTTAWA – Just days after a media firestorm around his trip to the Aga Khan’s private island, an ethics investigation alleges Prime Minister Trudeau took a private helicopter to the Kubla Kh…

The Beaverton’s Inauguration Coverage

  The Beaverton’s Marilla Wex reports live from Washington DC with breaking inauguration coverage. Up first, Donald Trump has interrupted the Arlington Wreath Laying Ceremony to plug his new…