World’s last two corporations announce merger worth “all the money”
DOVER, DE – Hammering out a deal that experts estimate to be worth the entirety of Earth’s money supply, the world’s last two corporations have announced that they will be merging into a co…
Local couple excited to invest time and money into pathetic garden
MONTREAL – As the seasons turn from frosty to fresh, Karen Monahan and Peter Hogeu are preparing to yet again begin work on their pitiful excuse for a garden. “I love getting my hands dirty…
Lost photo album from the 70s reveals local Mom’s fun side, coke habit
London, ON – Local woman Mona Tucker is still reeling from the discovery of a long-lost family photo album from 1973 that revealed that her mother, Amy, was a fun, popular recreational coke…
Get Hype: The upcoming ‘Fast and the Furious’ prequel is all horses
Get hype, internet, there’s a new installment in the Fast and the Furious franchise, and this time, it’s nothing but horse, baby! Taking place in the same universe several years before the other …
Honest Ed’s demolition crew rescues 3rd group of lost shoppers this week
TORONTO – crews tasked with clearing the enormous warehouse discount store Honest Ed’s have encountered its third contingent of roaming, disoriented shoppers since Wednesday. Foreman Jim Pe…
Local father really psyched about this year’s perennials
RICHMOND HILL, ON – Proud father of two and recreational horticulturist Jack Tierney says he is “beyond excited” for his perennials, set to bloom in late May. “The real showstopper is seein…
Sign of progress? Millennials, Boomers agree that Gen X is the worst
TORONTO – Finally some common ground! After years of arguing about who really screwed things up, baby boomers and millennials were able to come together in order to proclaim that Gen Xers c…
Canadian journalists’ “Appropriation Prize” aims to represent marginalized cultures the way white people imagine them
TORONTO — Several high-profile Canadian journalists pledged money on Thursday night toward an “Appropriation Prize” that would reward white, middle-class journalists for writing about margi…
Sens shipping in fans from other teams to fill vacant seats
OTTAWA – After the team’s poorly attended playoffs series against the New York Rangers, the GM of the Ottawa Senators will be bussing in fans of other teams to fill seats in the Canadian T…
How to Get Invited to a Cottage
Only one week left to get that invite!…
