MONTREAL – A new poll shows most Canadians are either happy or very happy with the current single payer system, with the notable exception of 28 year old Alan Roberts, the man personally responsible for paying for everyone’s healthcare.
“It’s pretty stressful for me,” Alan says. “It’s costing me around $230 billion a year. I’m working three jobs right now but that’s barely cutting it.”
Alan started paying for Canada’s healthcare system seven years ago when he lost the national round of Not-It that all Canadians play to determine who will pay for the country’s healthcare system after the previous single payer dies.
“My mouth was full,” he says. “I had just taken a sip of slurpee and I was wearing my favourite hockey jersey. Of course, I realize now that replacing a slurpee-dribbled shirt would have cost me far less than paying for healthcare for 35 million people.”
Most of the previous single payers either killed themselves or died in suspicious accidents after only a few years in the position. Alan has already outlived over 90% of past single payers.
“I’m a pretty strong person, and my parents have been helping out when they can. I just pray we never get universal dental or prescription coverage.”
Alan has suggested perhaps actor Kiefer Sutherland (grandson of Tommy Douglas, inventor of Canada’s universal healthcare system) could be persuaded to pay for it for a few years while Alan goes back to school to get his hotel management certificate.