TTC plans radical initiative to improve weekend subway service with use of trains
TORONTO – At a press conference held at Kennedy Station, TTC CEO Andy Byford announced a bold new strategy to improve weekend subway service by using actual trains instead of buses. “This is the …
Gingham-clad man slid along reclaimed wood table, thrown through restaurant window in mimosa-fueled brunch brawl
TORONTO – Police are trying to maintain order at local restaurant “Bacon for Forgiveness” after a frequent patron was thrown through a glass window in what is still an ongoing drunken, no-h…
Man pretty sure nobody on train will notice him clipping nails, moulting skin
TORONTO – Fairly certain that nobody on his morning commute will notice, local man Paul Markus has begun to slowly clip his nails and tear away his current layer of skin to make room for a …
World leaders divided on attending state funeral for Hawaiian pizza inventor
LONDON, ON – World leaders are already divided on whether they will be attending the state funeral on Monday for the controversial Canadian man who invented the Hawaiian pizza. 44 countries…
City of Toronto announces street closures for Festival of Street Closures
TORONTO – As the 171st annual Festival of Street Closures approaches, the city has released a list of roads that will be inaccessible for the duration of the festival, and also for the rest of th…
Portraits of Canadiosity: Conrad Black
Conrad Black; the worst Canadian?…
Theresa May forms coalition with Northern Irish Unionists after agreeing to re-invade the rest of Ireland
LONDON – British Prime Minister Theresa May has secured a coalition government deal with the Democratic Unionist Party of Northern Ireland after promising to re-occupy the Irish Republic. D…
How to enjoy hot yoga when that heating panel could fall on you at any moment
Hot yoga is a great activity for your mind and body. Here’s how to get the most out of it, despite the fact that the large heating panels suspended from the ceiling could come down and crush you …
Ottawa announces $62 billion worth of defence spending delays
OTTAWA – Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan has announced that the government will add $62 billion in defence spending delays over the next 10 years. The new procurement strategy titled ‘Postpo…
How To: Own A Cat
So you wanted a pet, but decided a dog would be too much fun?…
