THORNHILL – A Bat Mitzvah for twelve-year-old Thornhill girl Revi Spivak took a tragic turn when her face melted off her skull during the p’tikhah, the ceremonial opening of the ark that contains the Torah.
“The Rabbi screamed at us to look away and ran to close the ark, but it was too late,” said Shawn Woo, a classmate of Revi’s. “Revi’s face had already been liquidated in a vortex of flames.”
“It really sucked,” added Woo.
Sources believe the ark was accidentally replaced by the Ark of the Covenant, housing the stone tablets of the Ten Commandments, as well as the forbidden power that laid waste to both Jericho and most of Revi’s upper body.
“When Revi practiced chanting the aliyot we used the usual ark, no problem!” said Rabbi Katsnelson from the Beit Rayim synagogue, where the Bat Mitzvah was held. “At the last moment there was some trouble with the hinges and we had to pull out an older aron kodesh from storage. But gottenyu, we didn’t expect the ark to turn its fury on poor Revi and tsehmeltsn her sweet, sweet face.”
Since the money was already spent, Revi’s parents opted to continue with the rest of the event, raising Revi’s still-smoking skeleton on a chair during the horah dance.