EXCLUSIVE: Donald Trump’s 13 deleted eclipse tweets
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald Trump once again ignored the desires of his staff today, taking to social media to unleash a tweet-storm during today’s total eclipse. While the tweets ha…
Typical: Millennials just want to stare at the eclipsed sun without putting in the hard work of worshipping it
By Harvey Prun of the Third House of the Sunseekers I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said before when I point out that Millennials expect everything to just be given to them from jobs to …
Rational Alex Jones shows how the Bilderbergs and Illuminati control everything
Alec Jonas is back with another episode of BeaverWars.…
If only Jerry Lewis had died 20 years ago we’d have a lot of good things to say about him
By: Henry Clarkson This morning we learned of the death of legendary comedian Jerry Lewis and I think I speak for the entire world when I say that if this was 1997, I would have been really bumme…
Man losing valiant struggle against burrito
CALGARY – Fighting the urge to just give up and walk away in shame, a local man is currently in the midst of a heroic – but losing – battle to finish the rest of his burrito. At…
Apartment residents officially surrender to fruit fly occupation
CALGARY – Roommates Amir Reza, Ashley Barker, and Kyle Garland have officially drawn up terms of surrender to the fruit fly forces occupying their 3 bedroom apartment. “We, the human reside…
Man ghosts woman after 45 years of marriage
EDMONTON – After spending 45 years in a seemingly perfectly happy marriage, local husband Pierre Villeneuve has ghosted his wife Catherine. “The trick to a good ghosting means laying …
Andrew Scheer distances himself from The Rebel, will go ahead with op-ed in Eugenics Quarterly
OTTAWA – Following the website’s involvement in the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, Conservative party leader Andrew Scheer has decided to cut ties with The Rebel, planning instead to publi…
Steve Bannon leaves White House in search of whiter house
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Stephen K. Bannon, White House strategist and de facto leader of the uncivil rights movement, has resigned from his post as the president’s most trusted advisor, citing a…
Woman of colour excited to compare tans with you
REGINA – This past Friday, Arththy Safeer was beyond excited to compare her ‘tan’ with co-worker Morgan Klein. “I love having my skin that I was born with used as a visual marker for how mu…
