PITTSBURGH, PA – The Pittsburgh Steelers have appeared to go above and beyond the expected victory march with their most recent touchdown celebration, which this afternoon surpassed the 70 hour mark with no end in sight.
What started as a routine celebration with the scoring receiver spiking the ball and doing a simple dance move quickly began to grow in effort as soon the entire offensive line joined the lone receiver for a perfectly choreographed line dance along the end zone, a routine which alone lasted upwards of three hours.
“At about that point I was ready to give them an unsportsmanlike penalty for excessive taunting,” stated referee Ed Hochuli. “But then the Quarterback joined in, perfectly singing the opening song of Les Misérables. Before I knew it the team was halfway through the musical and I didn’t want to be the one to put an end to something so beautiful.”
On top of performing Les Misérables, the Pittsburgh Steelers offence also completed full performances of Grease, The Sound of Music, School of Rock, and the complete discography of the Goo Goo Dolls.
By the 48 hour mark the team was clearly running out of ideas as they then begun a separate game of 5-on-5 flag football which in itself had a 45 minute touchdown celebration. While some critics described the event as needlessly meta and offensively obtuse, the majority of football fans called it the most entertaining product the NFL has ever put on the field and expect the production to be nominated for several Tony Awards.
When reached for comment NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell stated that the whole performance would be available to purchase on Blu-Ray or free inside specially marked cases of Bud Light. Goodell also clarified that while there were initial concerns of this slowing down the game, the league realized it’s an opportunity for more commercial time and will now encourage all teams to have lengthy celebrations of their own.