NDP Leadership Ads: Charlie Angus

  Our #sponsoredcontent NDP leadership ads continue with Charlie Angus, the candidate so boring and white you won’t believe he isn’t also running for conservative leader.…

Couple spends weekend binge watching their relationship die

REGINA – Local couple Cameron Lacks and Joel Divago are excited to unwind after a long work week by spending the weekend binge watching their relationship die. “My last relationship I would…

Bat mitzvah ruined as girl’s face melts during ark-opening ceremony

THORNHILL – A Bat Mitzvah for twelve-year-old Thornhill girl Revi Spivak took a tragic turn when her face melted off her skull during the p’tikhah, the ceremonial opening of the ark that contains…

Rich Canadians horrified as Hurricane Irma bears down on helpless 5-star resorts

CANADA – As the category 5 Hurricane Irma barrels through the Caribbean and Florida, the top 0.1% of Canadian earners are bracing themselves emotionally for the destruction of the world’s b…

Upcoming UFC card features grumpiest fighters yet

EDMONTON – The UFC event in Edmonton will feature a title bout between the sport’s two grumpiest fighters: Stu Caufield and Frank Leroux, neither of whom has smiled since Mambo No.5 w…

Doug Ford announces plans to make 2018 fucking unbearable

TORONTO — In the lead-up to his annual Ford Fest rally, Doug Ford is already announcing plans to make 2018 “absolutely frigging brutal” by once again running for mayor. “Doug’s back, losers…

Disney casts Amy Adams, Benedict Cumberbatch as leads in upcoming live-action Mulan film

LOS ANGELES – Speaking before an assembled group of industry press earlier this week, Disney spokesperson Ian Glenn enthusiastically unveiled the casting of Hollywood stars Amy Adams and Benedict…

Ontarians forced to hang out with Kathleen Wynne now that she’s their dealer

TORONTO – The entire province of Ontario has resigned itself to hanging out with Kathleen Wynne for the next few years while she deals to them. “God this is always so awkward,” said Sudbury…

VIA Rail retracts ‘why don’t you take the train?’ tagline after passengers find many reasons not to

MONTREAL – Canada’s only passenger rail line has removed its tagline ‘why don’t you take the train’ from the crown corporation’s commercials after thousands of passengers have discovered nu…

Snowflakes rally to preserve Stonewall Jackson’s Civil War participation trophy

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA – Snowflakes throughout the American south are once again up in arms, after Charlottesville city council passed a unanimous vote to remove the city’s statue of confederate gen…