Khadr apology, payout is an insult to all the Canadian vets who fought for our right to torture imprisoned children
By: Andrew Scheer, Leader of the Official Opposition Today, I was outraged to hear that the Trudeau government has agreed to pay $10.5 million and issue an apology to admitted terrorist Omar Khad…
Glowing red dot still at large, warn cat detectives
TORONTO – The Metropolitan Feline Police Force is warning cats that, despite their best investigative efforts, the suspect known only as “the glowing red dot” has yet to be captured. “The g…
Rowing crew inspired by motivational poster of productive office workers
WATERLOO, ON – An inspirational poster portraying busy office workers titled ‘Leadership’ has been a real motivator for a local rowing team since it was posted in the team’s boat house last…
How To: Throw A Backyard BBQ
Because you’ve forgotten how much you hated it last time……
Trudeau already regretting allowing hotel-less Trump to crash in his room
HAMBURG, GERMANY – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reportedly “kicking himself” for offering to share his G20 hotel room with Donald Trump, after the American President’s staff fo…
5 ways to convince your friend that you saw their one-man show
Oh no! The independent theatre season is upon us, and that means you’ve already been pressured to see one or more of your friend’s one-man shows. Here are five awesome tips on how to convince you…
Amazing! This man got bitten by a radioactive fruit fly and now has 24 hours to live!
Think science experiments always yield the same old boring results? Think again. Lester LeBlanc was an ordinary photojournalism student doing a report on a research lab that bombarded insects wit…
Friend has more body hair than expected
CALGARY – Reports coming from inside the Goodlife changing room on Heritage Meadows Way are indicating that work friend turned squash partner David Cook has a lot more hair on his back, sho…
How will you celebrate Canada’s 151st Birthday
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts…
Guantanamo Bay touts success story of child soldier turned multi-millionaire
GUANTANAMO BAY – The US Defense Department is praising its own prison system after a former child soldier imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay became a multi-millionaire yesterday when the Supreme …
