Our travel expert asks the question no one else dares to…
We sent our favourite chef turned reporter to investigate cultural appropriation in the restaurant industry.…
”I’m living my best life,” says woman using hand cream on face
LONDON, ON – Local life coach, Evelyn Bell, 34, has proclaimed she is currently living her best life, no matter what others might think, even as she squeezes the last out of tube of hand cr…
Trump moves American embassy to Jerusalem as Christmas gift to “the jews”
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Sexual predator unable to handle being told no
ALABAMA — Failed Republican senate candidate and noted predator of underage girls Roy Moore has announced plans to “stay on brand” and refuse to concede defeat. “This election is barely 14 …
Hallmark Channel pivots to all Goth Christmas programming
STUDIO CITY, CA – Announcing a major shift in tone, the Hallmark Channel is set to launch a new slate of all Goth Christmas programming for festive Goths. “Our audience was tired of watchin…
Sir John A. Macdonald balances budget after returning empties
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. OTTAWA — Prime Minister Sir John A. Macdonald has balanced the nation’s tr…
After jumping in the polls, Kathleen Wynne’s Liberals promise to govern every year like its an election year
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
West Ontario ekes out curling win against East Southern Southwest Ontario
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Gutting out an underdog victory in an emotionally-charged nail-biter of a game, West Ontario has out-curled their arch-rivals, East Southern Southwest Ontario. “Tough ga…
Trudeau fail: PM appoints a 205-year-old German classical composer as Chief Justice
According to every major news outlet in Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has appointed Richard Wagner – the classical composer – as the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Trudea…
Pope Francis makes Taco Bell a sin after spending all morning in bathroom
VATICAN CITY- Officially recognized by the Catholic church as of this morning; the sale, consumption, or creation of any Taco Bell products will now be considered a mortal sin on par with murder …
