Health Canada suggests limiting alcohol to 2 drinks per day unless you’ve already had 3 in which case fuck it
OTTAWA—Health Canada has released new guidelines emphasizing the importance of consuming no more than 2 alcoholic units per day, but only if you haven’t had more than that, because if you have, t…
Dropped stainless steel water bottle ruptures eardrums within 40 km radius
MONTREAL — Disaster struck Monday when the sound of a stainless steel water bottle dropped on to a concrete floor ruptured the eardrums of everyone within the downtown core. The deafening e…
CBC fulfills mandate to produce distinctly Canadian wage gap
OTTAWA – Data released this week in response to a freedom of information request made by a University of Ottawa academic shows that female CBC presenters make 9% less than their male counte…
If you click on this Spice Girls quiz, we promise we’ll tell you which options will get you Posh Spice
From Wannabe to Spice up Your Life, the Spice Girls were Girl Power personified. But which one matches your personality? Is it Ginger Spice, Sporty Spice, Scary Spice, Baby Spice, or the one that…
More Jets fans taking out second mortgages to pay off single can of beer purchased at Bell MTS Place
WINNIPEG – According to survey of Winnipeg’s banks, more Winnipeg Jets fans are applying for second mortgages on their homes to pay for a single can of beer purchased at the Bell MTS Place …
Doug Ford to save Ontario 6 billion dollars by taking his own family off OHIP
TORONTO – After promising to cut the province’s spending by six billion dollars, Doug Ford has finally revealed a surefire way to come up with the money: remove health-insurance coverage fr…
New employee has audacity to begin email with “hey man”
VULCAN, AB – Opening his work email in the morning, Henry Abraham, CEO of HAB Insurance, a local brokerage firm, was disturbed to read the words “hey man” Thursday in the opening line sent …
Air Marshal hoping this is the flight he’ll finally get to shoot someone
DALLAS – After almost a decade of service and thousands of flights Air Marshal Dereck Jakes is hoping this latest flight will be the one where he finally gets to become a hero by shooting a…
Provincial boundaries renamed ‘Canada-US border’ to make it easier for Canadians to transport liquor
OTTAWA – After Canada’s highest court reaffirmed the rights of provinces to impose fines and confiscate liquor that crosses provincial boundaries, the federal government will rename all pro…
PEI threatens to cut off New Brunswick’s potato shipments unless they approve new potato pipeline
CHARLOTTETOWN – Provincial tensions are high after PEI Premier Wade MacLauchlan said he intends on reducing potato shipments to the province of New Brunswick unless Premier Brian Gallant ap…
