“Ah – yes! Well, yes, absolutely”
EDITORIAL: By Jeff Goldblum Mm? Ah! Hello, of course, hello. It’s uh – well? – I suppose it’s me, Jeff, um Jeff Goldblum the ah actor, performer – of course The Fly, many other uh – here not on t…
Jason Statham cast as Tinky Winky in gritty Teletubbies reboot
LOS ANGELES – Miramax has recently announced that action star Jason Statham has landed the coveted role of Tinky Winky in the upcoming live-action reboot of beloved British children’s show …
Father’s wedding speech enters fourth day
OTTAWA – Running well over his time limit of 5 minutes, local father Bill Fernie’s speech has now entered its 96th hour at his son’s wedding reception. Fernie, 61, has not stopped his senti…
Nation’s loser children try to convince themselves that this school year will be different
KINGSTON, ON – As students across the country gear up for the back-to-school season, the nation’s dweebs, nerds and uglies are preparing for the worst, while hoping – against all reason …
Rational Alex Jones is sick of everyone stealing the good conspiracy theories
“Stay off my turf.”…
Mr. Dickerson deeply regrets letting that first student call him ‘The Dick’
WHATELY, AB – In a failed attempt to build a casual, respectful rapport with his students, newly hired grade 8 teacher, Mark Dickerson, regrets allowing that one kid in his class to nicknam…
Newly built condos replace once-vibrant neighbourhood of condo presentation centres
TORONTO, ON— Mourning the loss of yet another one of the city’s once-vibrant street level condo presentation sales centres, a local neighbourhood association is highlighting the disappointing pat…
Experts advise wearing ear protection while Toronto residents complain about the Air Show
TORONTO – With the Canadian International Air Show occurring this weekend, medical professionals are advising residents to wear earplugs to protect them from the deafening noise of Toronton…
Just look at the size of my tomatoes!
By: Your Dad Would you just look at those! Have you ever seen tomatoes that big before? Look at that. Big. Red. Round. Now that’s a tomato. You know, I wasn’t too sure this year because the summe…
Meet the team of Navy SEALs whose job it is to bring back Trump every time he gets confused and wanders off
Among the most highly trained U.S. Special Operations soldiers, the men and women of SEAL Team 11 are tasked with locating and retrieving President Donald Trump every time he wanders away from ho…
