ISIS claims responsibility for Ezra Levant
TORONTO – The Islamic State has claimed responsibility for Ezra Levant, a source has confirmed. “Ezra Levant, soldier of the Islamic State, will continue to divide Canadians against one ano…
Trudeau’s tweet blamed for welcoming forests fires
OTTAWA – Conservative MPs were on the offensive today blaming a tweet made by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that welcomed illegal forests fire crossing into Canada. While the opposition cou…
REPORT: Earth in Retrograde
TORONTO – When Mercury is in retrograde, it appears as though the planet closest to the sun is orbiting the Earth backwards. This phenomenon has become a catchall explanation for why people…
Provincial government thanks the rest of Canada for buying $4.5 billion pipeline by complaining about equalization
EDMONTON – Expressing their appreciation for the purchasing the controversial Trans Mountain Pipeline, the Alberta government said thanks by complaining about how much Quebec, Manitoba, Nov…
Ford promises obsolete sex-ed curriculum will be updated to include girl-on-top
QUEEN’S PARK – After a weeks-long furore around sex-ed in Ontario’s schools, Doug Ford has promised that the 1998 curriculum will be updated to include contemporary issues, such as girl-on-…
Local mom files Freedom of Information request regarding son’s new girlfriend
SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Local mother Helena Nowak has resorted to bureaucratic methods to try to obtain information regarding the love life of her son, Adam, 22, and has filed a Freedom of I…
Reinstated Ontario sex-ed curriculum polling well among sex offenders
TORONTO – Following the Ford government’s announcement that Ontario schools will revert back to the 1998 sex-ed curriculum, polls indicate the decision has been well received by the province’s re…
Trump announces do-over after media calls no takesy-backsies
WASHINGTON D.C. – The White House has announced that Vladimir Putin will be visiting Donald Trump in the United States this fall. Only days after the duo’s Helsinki summit ended with Trump …
Local woman changes position after man calls her a bitch online
CALGARY – It’s been a long, hard process of soul searching and self-reflection, but local internet user Grace Marsh isn’t complaining as she undertakes a complete overhaul of her opinions a…
Black & Decker invents new leaf blower that works at times other than 6:30AM
TORONTO – In a technological breakthrough that is set to revolutionize the landscaping industry, scientists at Black and Decker have invented a leaf blower that is able to be operated after…
