Dad escalates economic sanctions against son who will not get dressed
STELLARTON, NS – After finding his first round of sanctions ineffective in motivating his 5-year-old son to clothe himself, father of two, John Carlin, has vowed to increase economic penalt…
Rebranded Globe and Mail focuses on core audience: old people who died before cancelling their subscription
TORONTO – The Globe and Mail is making a number of editorial and design changes to better focus on their most loyal demographic, people who have passed away whose families have not remember…
RCMP issues stern warning for Incel chat groups to report all Islamist extremism
OTTAWA – The Mounties are taking a new approach on combating Islamist extremism by calling upon members of the incel community to report anything they see online that calls for Islamist-rel…
Pile of filthy snow in mall parking lot somehow still there
MONTREAL – Local eyewitnesses have recently confirmed that despite temperatures well above 10 degrees Celsius, that giant pile of disgusting snow in the mall parking lot has somehow survived. “I’…
Progressive boyfriend is pro-choice, as long as that choice is abortion
OWEN SOUND, ON – Local activist Noah Baker spoke out, showing his progressive attitudes towards women’s reproductive rights, saying he supports his girlfriend Sarah Chen’s right to choose, …
John Bolton asks Mueller to indict Trump already so he can start a war
WASHINGTON, DC – Newly-appointed US National Security Advisor John Bolton has contacted the office of Special Counsel Robert Mueller, demanding charges be levelled against Donald Trump already so…
I’m gonna get that hand
Editorial by President Donald Trump This is an open letter to my wife, Melania Trump. You’ve left me with no other option, since I don’t know where you are in the house and I think you have me mu…
Bill Cosby to be digitally replaced by Christopher Plummer in Cosby Show reruns
HOLLYWOOD — In the wake of Bill Cosby’s conviction on three counts of sexual assault, Carsey-Werner Productions has announced that reruns of The Cosby Show will be digitally altered to repl…
Avengers: Infinity War credits to simply list Hollywood actors not in the film
LOS ANGELES – This week Marvel Studios announced that, to shorten running length, Avengers: Infinity War’s credits will just list Hollywood actors that don’t appear onscreen. As Marvel Stud…
Motives of man who clearly stated his motives unclear
TORONTO – In the aftermath of the deadly Toronto van attack that left 10 dead and 14 injured, journalists and commentators have failed to uncover a motive for the senseless actions of the p…
