OTTAWA – Taxpayer groups and competing defence contractors alike are calling foul after it was revealed Lockheed Martin’s bid for a $60 billion contract to build Canada’s next generation of wars...
Report: Facebook pretty much just pet obituaries now
TORONTO – A new report released by the University of Toronto suggests that 90% of recent Facebook posts are messages of love for recently deceased domestic animals. The social media site, once vastly ...
Mars probe glad to leave doomed Earth behind
PASADENA, CA – After successfully landing on the Martian surface, InSight, the $1 billion NASA probe, relayed the message back to headquarters that it’s glad to be off that “God forsaken” rock c...
GM asks for another bailout to improve efficiency of lay-off process
OSHAWA, ON – General Motors Canada is asking the federal and provincial governments for another financial bailout to help the corporation to terminate employment for thousands of Canadians in a ...
Taco Bell introduces Cheesy Gordita Trough
Irvine, CA – Building on some of their most popular menu items and the basest instincts of their customers, Taco Bell unveiled their newest menu item, the Cheesy Gordita Trough. “We took the thi...
Canadian backpacker joins migrant caravan for ‘authentic Central American experience’
TIJUANA, MEXICO – Canadian Backpacker, Max Henderson, 22, previously reported missing during his backpacking trip through Central America, has been found traveling with a caravan of over 4000 mi...
Cannabis tourist expected Toronto to be cooler
TORONTO – Visitors from the U.S. were dismayed this week to learn that despite Canada’s recent marijuana legalization, the city of Toronto is still extremely boring. Ohio native Jenna Blake for ...
Curling team kicked off ice for being too sober
CALGARY — Local curling team, the Cowtown Curly Fries, were ejected from their match at the Calgary Bi-Annual Bonspiel yesterday for showing up to play completely unimpaired. Referee Dan Milliga...
Trump clarifies that massive Chinese tariffs will not include racist T-shirts
WASHINGTON, DC – Following his controversial $200 billion tariffs on Chinese imports, President Trump clarified this week that the tariffs would not apply to racially insensitive clothing. “Many Ameri...
STUDY: TV shows made for teens exclusively consumed by mid-thirties viewers
LOS ANGELES — A recent study has proven that television specifically written for the teenage demographic is exclusively being consumed by people in their thirties. “At first we were flattered,” ...
