WASHINGTON, DC – Following his controversial $200 billion tariffs on Chinese imports, President Trump clarified this week that the tariffs would not apply to racially insensitive clothing.
“Many Americans rely on artificially cheap Chinese products, especially racists,” said Trump’s Chief Financial Advisor Michael Vekkelsmith. “To absorb the cost of a tariff this size, Chinese manufacturers will charge more for their goods, raising prices for the consumer. But Trump made a promise to improve life in this country for bigots, and by God, he’ll keep that promise.”
Vekkelsmith acknowledges the substantial logistical challenge of classifying every imported outfit as racist or not. “For example, a shirt with the logo ‘My car’s not made of chopsticks?’ Racist for sure. But is a yellow collared shirt racist? Hard to say until a Proud Boy slithers into it.”
Other examples are cut and dry, such as Confederate flags, shirts with the phrase “Fuck Islam,” and the Tommy Hilfiger logo. Meanwhile, clothing companies such as Abercrombie and Fitch are making a strong case that racist behaviours in-store such as following ethnic shoppers around, and a reliance on sweatshop labour qualify their clothing as xenophobic.
Vekkelsmith is optimistic that the tariff exception will protect the average supremacist’s bottom line, leaving plenty of income for wholesome racist activities, such as snowmobiling, NASCAR crashes, and being President.