LeBron James announces intention to sign with the Washington Generals
CLEVELAND, OH – In a surprise move this morning, LeBron James officially announced that he will be leaving the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers to sign with the Independent Washington Generals, mo…
Local couple thinking harder than ever about going camping this summer
MONTREAL — Sources say local couple Emily and Mark are spending the long weekend by talking about going camping more seriously than ever. “They’re really going for it this year,…
Living proof that Canada is no better than the U.S. sworn in as Ontario Premier
TORONTO – A walking, talking refutation to the argument that Canada is in some way a more progressive country than the United States was sworn in as Ontario Premier this morning. “We have a…
Andrea Horwath looking forward to continuing to have no power
HAMILTON – After securing a new position as Leader of the Official Opposition, Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath says she’s looking forward to having no power still when the provincial government…
America just going to permanently leave flags at half-mast
AMERICA — In the wake of the latest mass shooting, the United States of America has collectively decided that it makes more sense to leave their flags at half-mast on an ongoing basis. “Low…
New prime minister to be paid 30% less in salary
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. June 25th, 1993 OTTAWA – Canada’s first female prime minister, Kim C…
Trump excited to welcome ‘Canada Pence’ to White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprise revelation, Donald Trump announced that he is looking forward to meeting a former Canadian Prime Minister, which he repeatedly referred to as “Canada Pence”. “Tre…
AMAZING! This dog saw his owner was having a stroke and called Domino’s
They say dogs are man’s best friend, but if you ask me pizza comes in at a close second! Fortunately for Lethbridge, AB’s Brian Chambers, who experienced a life-threatening stroke, he got the bes…
Local man reconnects with cottage owning friend every year about this time
TORONTO – Local resident Michael Soplinka, 28, has once again used the month of June to get in touch with his ‘lifelong’ friend Eric Gaston, whose family happens to own a cottage on Georgia…
QUIZ: Are you procrastinating or is it time to rearrange your bedroom?
We’ve all been there. A looming deadline, and you can’t seem to stop procrastinating. Or are you? Meditation sciences have proven that distracting the brain may actually help with creative streng…
