Majority of Americans support sending Trump on Mars mission

WASHINGTON – A recent Rasmussen poll on the US Administration’s plan for further space exploration has shown that 84% of Americans support sending President Donald Trump on a one-way missio…

Homeschooled child not looking forward to going back-to-home

LETHBRIDGE, AB – Dreading the end of summer vacation, a local homeschooled child reported that she’s not looking forward to going back to her own house and starting grade 5. Rachel Moore, 1…

Hip server sits down while taking order

MONTREAL – Displaying an impressive level of disdain for the traditional role divisions between “customer” and “server,” brunch waiter Luc Petitclerc sat down in the one empty chair left by…

Report: 6 out of 10 school children will be sucked into an arcade game and forced to compete for survival

OTTAWA – A recent national study found that 60% of Canadian students will be sucked into a dusty arcade machine and forced to desperately fight for their lives in an alternate video game di…

Drug dealer reverses long-standing policy of ‘snitches get stitches’

TORONTO – Premier of Ontario and former hash dealer Doug Ford has announced the creation of a website where parents can report if their child’s teacher is not adhering to the PC mandated se…

Quiz: Should you go Camping, Glamping, or Jamping, a term I just made up and will gradually define over the quiz?

Everybody likes to enjoy the great outdoors. Some like to rough it while camping. Some like to enjoy the high scale comforts of glamping. Some like jamping, a word designed to fit the structure o…

UN condemns Canada’s cruel and unusual treatment of mobile phone customers

NEW YORK – The UN General Assembly has condemned Canada’s ill treatment of millions of its cell phone customers by the country’s corporate telecommunication juntas. The resolution that call…

How dare Trudeau attack this hardworking Canadian heckler who we shouldn’t ask any further questions about

By Andrew Scheer As leader of the Conservative Party of Canada, I am outraged that Justin Trudeau publicly slammed a decent, law-abiding constituent who asked him a fair question and deserves no …

Netflix producer caught releasing dozens of bad movies into local river

HOLLYWOOD – A Netflix producer is facing charges after being caught dumping a number of god-awful movies into a local river. Residents began to report an excremental stench several weeks ag…

Weeks later and nothing has changed for accountant who starred in Fringe show

WINNIPEG, MB – Several weeks after starring in a nine-day run of his one-person show, “Pobody’s Nerfect,” absolutely nothing has changed in the life of local accountant Ryan Ward, whose dre…