You won’t believe how far into this ‘millennial homeowner’ piece it takes for us to mention their inheritance!
Canada’s housing market is booming, and so are articles about people born between 1981 and 1996 who have somehow managed to afford homes! Meet Myrna, an industrious young woman who recently paid …
Canada Council for the Arts slashes live theatre budget to fund ‘pets in hats’ Instagram accounts
OTTAWA – The Canada Council for the Arts announced a controversial new grant in hopes of branching out into new media while leaving the future of Canadian theatre uncertain. The funding pre…
ISIS claims responsibility for Ezra Levant
TORONTO – The Islamic State has claimed responsibility for Ezra Levant, a source has confirmed. “Ezra Levant, soldier of the Islamic State, will continue to divide Canadians against one ano…
Trudeau’s tweet blamed for welcoming forests fires
OTTAWA – Conservative MPs were on the offensive today blaming a tweet made by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that welcomed illegal forests fire crossing into Canada. While the opposition cou…
REPORT: Earth in Retrograde
TORONTO – When Mercury is in retrograde, it appears as though the planet closest to the sun is orbiting the Earth backwards. This phenomenon has become a catchall explanation for why people…
Provincial government thanks the rest of Canada for buying $4.5 billion pipeline by complaining about equalization
EDMONTON – Expressing their appreciation for the purchasing the controversial Trans Mountain Pipeline, the Alberta government said thanks by complaining about how much Quebec, Manitoba, Nov…
Ford promises obsolete sex-ed curriculum will be updated to include girl-on-top
QUEEN’S PARK – After a weeks-long furore around sex-ed in Ontario’s schools, Doug Ford has promised that the 1998 curriculum will be updated to include contemporary issues, such as girl-on-…
Local mom files Freedom of Information request regarding son’s new girlfriend
SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Local mother Helena Nowak has resorted to bureaucratic methods to try to obtain information regarding the love life of her son, Adam, 22, and has filed a Freedom of I…
Reinstated Ontario sex-ed curriculum polling well among sex offenders
TORONTO – Following the Ford government’s announcement that Ontario schools will revert back to the 1998 sex-ed curriculum, polls indicate the decision has been well received by the province’s re…
Trump announces do-over after media calls no takesy-backsies
WASHINGTON D.C. – The White House has announced that Vladimir Putin will be visiting Donald Trump in the United States this fall. Only days after the duo’s Helsinki summit ended with Trump …
