GENEVA – After getting preliminary test results, the World Health Organization is warning the public that getting this year’s flu vaccine may put you at risk of not contracting the often deadly influenza virus, potentially leaving millions unable to book off sick from work or become hospitalized unnecessarily.
“It’s important for the public to understand that they should avoid the flu vaccine at all costs if they plan on becoming miserably sick,” said Chief Immunologist Dr. Sanjay Ramachandran, noting that this year’s viral genetic profile will only protect you against the vast majority of flu strains. “The vast majority of people exposed to this highly mitigative substance will have to suffer through going to work, and leading productive lives.”
Dr. Ramachandran says the fact that governments all over the world are buying this vaccine in bulk and distributing it for free at local pharmacies only increases the likelihood that people will come into contact with the vaccine. As a result, many Canadians will not gain the benefits of catching up on sleep or inadvertently losing weight.
“Being sick is the best,” said Moira Mulcamp, of Kamloops. “You know how good cancelling plans with friends at the last minute feels? Imagine doing that, but for work.”
“I accidentally got the vaccine last year,” said Travis Cramden, 39, claiming that someone in white coat just came into his work and gave it to people for no money. “Little did I know I would later be diagnosed with full-blown healthy, and had to cancel my family’s usual two week winter vacation of fasting and frenetic fever dreams that I enjoy so much.”
The WHO is also warning that young children, the elderly and those suffering from immunodeficient medical conditions should also avoid the vaccine if they plan on living much in the next few months.