Monthly book club leader Karen announces that they will just read The Secret over and over again - The Beaverton
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Monthly book club leader Karen announces that they will just read The Secret over and over again

BARRIE, ON – Members of the Valley Very Dignified Book Collective were in crisis last Saturday when their leader Karen Pasternack announced that they would continue to read Rhonda Byrne’s best selling self-help book The Secret for the remainder of the group’s existence.

“It’s time to our now,” Karen stated at their weekly meeting in between sips of Jackson Triggs Rose. “And the only way we can to that is if we keep reading this book about thinking about manifesting our now in order to manifest our now.”

Pasternack, devoted housewife and avid small business owner, found that she felt fulfilled and accomplished after reading The Secret, which was the group’s March read. She went on to talk about it with everyone she came into contact with, giving copies to people on the street and telling them if they “just thought hard enough, the oppressive systems of government keeping them down would not matter and they could seize their moments and live their truths.” She was later seen by a river reading an excerpt to a pack of feral dogs.

Things escalated when Karen proposed that they ignore “whatever boring book Donna chose half-assedly from Heather’s Picks” and continue to read The Secret When this suggestion was denied, Pasternack proceeded to whip out her copy of the book and read it in .

“I asked, and believed she would stop” said Gail Kowalchuk, a member of the . “But I did not receive and I’m pretty upset about it.”

The collective left the Pasternack household as Karen read the entirety of the book. As she read it was revealed that the one who had helped her was in fact the Demon-God , who eventually took her soul as payment for all the Bath & Body Works Candles she “manifested” for “free.”

The book club decided that they would read the new book for next month’s meeting.