National emergency declares national emergency
WASHINGTON – In a move many legal experts are calling unprecedented, chronic national emergency Donald Trump is declaring a separate, second national emergency to get funding for his border…
Harrowing: Woman trapped in store change room for three days attempting to remove ambitiously small dress
HAMILTON – In an ordeal that spanned three terrifying days, 30-year-old Tricia Whitehead found herself trapped in a women’s change room at HotStuffs Clothing Emporium after trying to remove…
Netflix’s Bird Box sequel promises more birds, bigger box
HOLLYWOOD – After impressive viewing statistics, Netflix has announced a sequel to the Sandra Bullock film Bird Box, which promises “a lot more birds” and a “way bigger box.” “We assumed vi…
Very important to Winnipeg man that you know it is currently colder in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG – Multiple sources are reporting that it is extremely vital to the health and wellbeing of a Winnipeg resident that everyone is made aware of the fact that the weather is actually …
Unrealistic casino commercial features people having fun
Niagara Falls, ON – The regulatory organization Advertising Standards Canada has determined that a recent commercial for the Royal Niagara Casino is misleading due to the fact that it depic…
Maxime Bernier emerges as this season’s shady bitch who loves drama
OTTAWA – In response to an official tweet from Global Affairs Canada praising Canada’s first ever contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race, People’s Party leader Maxime Bernier posted a message com…
Marie Kondo readers can’t wait until her TV fans get to the ‘red wedding’
LOS GATOS, CA – After selling 1.5 million copies of her book, The life-changing magic of tidying up, organizational guru Marie Kondo is now the star of a Netflix series, Tidying Up with Mar…
Trudeau asks Wilson-Raybould if she could take blame for a few other scandals on way out the door
OTTAWA — As Jody Wilson-Raybould resigned from cabinet in the wake of the growing SNC-Lavalin scandal, Prime Minister Trudeau reportedly asked if she’d mind acting as scapegoat for a handfu…
Stalwart Winnipeggers not going to let the A&W being on fire get in the way of their drive-thru order
WINNIPEG – Showing an absolute resolve in their dedication to the A&W fast-food chain, loyal Winnipeggers were still making orders through the drive-thru despite the restaurant being co…
Ontario PCs announce ‘Buck-an-Autism’ project
TORONTO – Struggling to address the public backlash from their revisions to the funding for the Ontario Autism Program, the Progressive Conservative Party has pivoted to introduce a new Buck-an-A…
