Man refuses to accept anesthesia in case ‘lady surgeon’ needs advice
TORONTO, ON – Insisting that that he would like to be available to offer his opinion, should his ‘lady surgeon’ require any helpful tips or advice on how to perform the procedure, local man…
Nation’s Netflix subscription now costs a dollar more than previous rate of “I have no idea what I’m paying”
LOS GATOS, CA – Canadian Netflix subscribers are about to pay a dollar more per month than whatever they’ve been paying up to now, which, honestly, no one can remember. The streaming compan…
New law forces Albertans to carry at least one barrel of bitumen in luggage when travelling to West Coast
EDMONTON – In response to an industry-wide glut caused by an inability to get its oil to Pacific tankers, the Notley government has decreed that every Albertan travelling to the West Coast …
Cash-strapped NRA lays off “Thoughts” department to focus solely on “Prayers”
FAIRFAX, VA – Following news from the National Rifle Association that revenue has decreased by $55 million over the past year, the gun-rights group has announced it will be shuttering the “…
Comrade Kenney demands Alberta politburo lower oil quotas
EDMONTON – Comrade Jason Kenney, member of the United Commissar Party is demanding Premier Notley’s politburo decrease oil production by 10 percent. Comrade Kenney made a stirring speech ra…
Insufferable hipster blossoms into insufferable yuppie
VICTORIA, B.C. — Friends and family of local man James Yorn have reported a mixture of joy and pride on seeing their friend mature from a shallow, self-absorbed, pretentious hipster to an e…
US smock market suffers worst crash in years
NEW YORK CITY — The U.S. Smock Market closed down nearly 19 points on Friday, capping off a week that saw a 42 per cent drop across the board, making it the worst smock market crash in hist…
Child dreams of one day creating content
WINNIPEG – Jacob Kubbs, 9 years old, reportedly spends his days sitting in the back of his Grade 4 class staring off into the distance, distracted by fantasies of being able to spend all hi…
Satanist BIA celebrates holiday season with community cavalcade of darks
IN PHOTOS: Satanist BIA celebrates holiday season with community cavalcade of darks Image via Deposit Photos…
Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close
Luke and the Panel (Andrew Ivimey, Jon Blair, Todd Van Allen) talk about people getting screwed over! Specifically the people of Oshawa getting screwed over by GM (1:00), Paul Manafort maybe gett…
