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TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
Yes, nauseous woman is sure she’s not pregnant
TORONTO – In a revelation that shocked many of her male friends and coworkers yesterday, 30-year-old Lisa Rogers assured anyone who would listen that the nausea she was experiencing was due…
Parents trying to decipher alternative school’s crystal-based report cards
VANCOUVER – Sherri and Tucker Jackson love the support and individualized learning their daughter Braylyn receives at her alternative elementary school, but they were slightly confused when…
Journalists running dangerously low on disaster metaphors to describe SNC-Lavalin affair
OTTAWA – A drought of new disaster metaphors have struck Canada’s journalists and columnists covering the high profile SNC-Lavalin affair. Dozens of reporters from The Globe and Mail, CBC, …
New study shows best place in Canada to be a woman is Kingston, worst place is Trudeau’s cabinet
KINGSTON, ON – The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternative have published their yearly rankings of the best and worst places in Canada to be a woman, with Kingston, Ontario coming in as the …
Actor Luke Perry dies at age – what? 52 years old? That can’t be right
HOLLYWOOD — Following a sudden stroke, beloved actor Luke Perry has died in hospital at the age of, huh, 52, okay there is no damn way that Dylan McKay was 52 years old. Known worldwide for…
Man with unpopular opinion deploys new tactic of yelling a bit louder
Mississauga, ON – In the throes of a heated argument at a birthday brunch, local man Dennis Richardson found his ignorant, ill-formed, and unpopular opinions were not being given the proper…
Poilievre credits rising poll numbers to time-tested Conservative strategy of ‘hope the Liberals do a big scandal’
OTTAWA – Basking in the glow of polls finally turning in the Conservative Party’s direction, leader Pierre Poilievre says that, like so many Tory PMs before, he owes his success to ha…
Nation in shock as documentary confirms everything they already knew about Michael Jackson
LOS ANGELES – The entire nation is in total shock today in the wake of horrifying revelations contained in the HBO documentary Leaving Neverland, allegations which everyone already knew to …
Doug Ford’s customized OPP van runs over first whistleblower
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s customized OPP van has reportedly struck its first whistleblower near Queen’s Park earlier today. The specialized van complete with $100,000 worth of u…
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