Proposed cuts of government handouts to end free starter Pokemon program - The Beaverton

Proposed cuts of government handouts to end free starter Pokemon program

PALLET TOWN – Today government officials outlined their latest proposed budget cuts, which included the controversial decision to end the popular starter Pokemon program. First introduced in 1996, the program provides adolescent youth with the opportunity to receive a free rare Pokemon in exchange for a work-study internship in zoological data collection. 

“We’re looking to cut taxes to help citizens get ahead, which requires terminating some of the more frivolous programs,” explained senator Gio Silph during a press briefing this morning. “The starter Pokemon program has steadily declined in popularity since the late 90’s and our research suggests that today it is being exploited by adults posing as children in an effort to receive multiple handouts free of charge. It’s time to put an end to this criminal behaviour.”

Twitter exploded with immediate backlash against the proposed cuts following the announcement with many pointing out these changes would discourage children to complete a Pokedex study. Within hours, #Dexit was trending at number one worldwide. Thousands of students have threatened to walk out of class next Friday in protest against being targeted by more government cuts.

“First cuts to education and after school programs, now this? It’s getting absolutely ridiculous,” stated 11-year-old Dawn Hilda. “Politicians always say that children are the future, but it’s obvious they don’t give a shit about us. While they’re off cruising around the world on the S.S. Anne, we’re expected to run around the forest and catch Caterpie with a net? I swear to Arceus, we’re done putting up with this! It’s time we evolve as a society!”

Despite the uproar and threats of protest against ending the program, there were several people who came out in support of it.

“Typical youth, always want everything handed to them,” said 60-year-old Blaine Kats. “Back in my day, I caught all my Pokemon myself. After receiving a small loan of a level 47 Arcanine from my father, I built a strong team with my own two hands. Kids these days should learn to do the same.”

Other proposed changes to the budget include taxing trades, a tariff on apricorn balls, and ending the free medicare program currently in place at all Pokemon Centres.

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