THUNDER BAY, ON- While out shopping for boots to last through the upcoming Canadian winter, local man Alan Watt began weighing the pros and cons of owning feet, after seeing a $200 price tag.
“I really like all this ‘walking’ they do for me,” the man openly pondered, “but on the other hand walking’s pretty much free, while these boots are like… Jesus that’s before tax too, isn’t it?.”
The positives and negatives of having such appendages were evaluated on the large-scale effect it had on Watt’s life. Ranging from such highs as helping him swim in the ocean on his vacation to Mexico 4 years ago, to cramping with no provocation whatsoever.
“See, I would go lower in price, but my last pair of boots didn’t even make it to March, and they were $150”, Watt recalled, “probably because of my feet, so that’s one strike against them.”
Climatologist of 20 years Rose Perkins says that while the issue may be alarming now, ongoing and worsening climate change will reduce cases.
“Sure, the cost of losing your feet may seem reasonable compared to sturdy winter attire now, but in 10-20 years, the issue will go away entirely, leaving absolutely no problems for Canadians.” Perkins then forced a laugh before choking back tears.
Ultimately, Watt cleverly split the difference by prematurely chopping off one foot, only to be told he wouldn’t be able to purchase only one boot of the pair.