Local woman can’t find anything she owns despite living in 200 sq. ft. micro apartment

VANCOUVER – Susan Jones is tired of being unable to locate a single object she needs despite living in an apartment small enough for her to traverse in a single hop. “I know what I’m lookin…

Trump late for diplomatic meeting after taking twenty minutes to put on boots, snow pants

WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump is currently late for an important meeting with the Chinese ambassador to the United States after taking twenty minutes to put on his boots and snow p…

Cat with twenty nicknames having identity crisis

HALIFAX – Cat mom Jenny Harding recently faced a harsh reality of her own making when she realized her cat Fluffy was in the throes of a full-on identity crisis due to having too many nickn…

Nation stunned to learn schools that charge $50,000 per year unfairly favour rich people

LOS ANGELES — In the wake of revelations that dozens of wealthy individuals have used fraudulent schemes to gain their children admission to top universities, Americans are reporting utter shock …

Netflix invests in more serial killings to meet demand for documentaries

LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming platform Netflix has committed millions of dollars toward paying people to commit new, quirky, yet relatable serial murders so that their crimes can be transfo…

Parks Canada bear employees still reporting pay problems with Phoenix

BANFF, AB – Thousands of Parks Canada wildlife employees are still waiting to have their pay issues resolved three years after the seriously flawed Phoenix pay system was implemented for al…

“But I’m a white!” David Frum screams as he’s picked up by ICE

WASHINGTON, D.C. – David Frum was arrested by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents today during a tense exchange following a sweep of undocumented immigrants in the Atlantic offi…

Highly caffeinated Robert Mueller pulling all-nighter after not starting report until this afternoon

WASHINGTON DC – Despite having almost two-years to get it done, a highly caffeinated Special Counsel Robert Mueller was seen furiously typing away at his computer, after only just getting s…

Mafia leaders granted DPA after government claims their business could lose 9,000 jobs

MONTREAL – A major business in the drug trafficking, gambling, murder, loan sharking, extortion, and racketeering industry have been granted a deferred prosecution agreement after lobbying …

Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi

VANCOUVER – An official statement from the rest of Canada addressed to the city of Vancouver was released yesterday, acknowledging that while the quality and taste of the municipality’s Jap…