Netflix invests in more serial killings to meet demand for documentaries
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming platform Netflix has committed millions of dollars toward paying people to commit new, quirky, yet relatable serial murders so that their crimes can be transfo…
Parks Canada bear employees still reporting pay problems with Phoenix
BANFF, AB – Thousands of Parks Canada wildlife employees are still waiting to have their pay issues resolved three years after the seriously flawed Phoenix pay system was implemented for al…
“But I’m a white!” David Frum screams as he’s picked up by ICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. – David Frum was arrested by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents today during a tense exchange following a sweep of undocumented immigrants in the Atlantic offi…
Highly caffeinated Robert Mueller pulling all-nighter after not starting report until this afternoon
WASHINGTON DC – Despite having almost two-years to get it done, a highly caffeinated Special Counsel Robert Mueller was seen furiously typing away at his computer, after only just getting s…
Mafia leaders granted DPA after government claims their business could lose 9,000 jobs
MONTREAL – A major business in the drug trafficking, gambling, murder, loan sharking, extortion, and racketeering industry have been granted a deferred prosecution agreement after lobbying …
Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi
VANCOUVER – An official statement from the rest of Canada addressed to the city of Vancouver was released yesterday, acknowledging that while the quality and taste of the municipality’s Jap…
Vice reporter regrets taking so many drugs before parliamentary press gallery
OTTAWA — Steve Tering, a recent hire for Vice media, is currently wishing he had not consumed a variety of uppers, downers and hallucinogens before trying to cover a routine press gallery a…
Barbie celebrates 60th birthday by retiring from 200 jobs
Malibu, CA – Barbie is turning 60 years old today and she’s marking entering her seventh decade by doing what many sexagenarians do: retiring from hundreds of jobs. “It’s not that I don’t l…
Scheer claims reports he endorsed Pizzagate merely distraction from important issue of whether Trudeau is Fidel Castro’s son
OTTAWA – Conservative leader Andrew Scheer is fighting back against reports that he endorsed the absurd Pizzagate conspiracy theory by saying the left wing media is merely trying to distrac…
SNC-Lavalin responds to corruption charges: ‘We’re still the most law-abiding company in Montreal’
MONTREAL – Engineering company SNC Lavalin held a press conference this week, claiming that despite corruption charges, they are still “by far the most honest company in Montreal.” Company …
