Ford government cancels tree planting program after learning trees also want to eliminate carbon
TORONTO – In a move harshly criticized by environmentalists nationwide, the Ford government announced yesterday that it is cancelling a program that would have seen 50 million new trees planted i…
The cast of The Wizard of Oz: Where are they now?
Everyone knows the beloved Hollywood classic The Wizard Of Oz. It has touched both young and old for generations, and ushered in a new age of fantastical cinema. But you wanna feel old? Following…
Study finds cycling healthiest way to get hit by a car
MONTREAL – Confirming the widely-held belief popular amongst people who commute by bicycle, a new study has found that cycling is by far the healthiest way to get hit by a car and laid out …
“I’m running for president,” Joe Biden whispers into the ears of an uncomfortable nation
WASHINGTON D.C. – Joe Biden announced his third run for the Democratic presidential nomination today by slinking his arms around the waist of The United States of America, smelling its hair…
The Top 5 documentaries that will kick start you right into a major depression
In our current cultural and political climate, truth is often stranger, scarier, and more uplifting than fiction – which is why it’s no surprise that documentaries are having a renaissance in 201…
Avengers: Endgame is just 3 hours of jocks bullying you for liking comic book movies this much, nerd
HOLLYWOOD – Disney Marvel has revealed new details about the latest entry in their Avengers movie franchise, stating it will be 3 straight hours of highschool jocks bullying you for caring …
Canadian officials wish garbage sent to Philippines had been labeled “drug lords” so it could have been disposed of, no questions asked
OTTAWA – Following Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte’s statement that he would “declare war” with Canada over a series of shipping containers of garbage sent to the Philippines years…
Woman successfully beats murder rap using “Mercury in retrograde” defence
TORONTO – In a landmark ruling yesterday, 31-year-old Robin Whitewood was declared not guilty of the first-degree murder of her roommate Sharon after her lawyer successfully argued that Whitewood…
Rest of Canada relieved they no longer have to cheer for Boston
MONTREAL – With the Boston’s 5-1 victory in game seven of the first round of the NHL playoffs, millions of Canadians expressed relief that they no longer have to passively watch and vindict…
Teeny-tiny party from itty-bitty province wins adorably miniature election
CHARLOTTETOWN – The tiniest of the teeny of political parties from the petite province of PEI has won the most adorably small election, reports indicate. The itty-bitty islanders placed the…
