EDMONTON, AB — Project manager Hank Johnson exceeded his personal email exclamation mark limit today before 10:00 a.m. local time. Johnson has grave concerns as to how he will get through the rest of ...
Canadians wonder how close to Mother’s Day you can ask Mom for money
OTTAWA — With spring comes Mother’s Day, and with Mother’s Day comes planning. Where to take her for brunch? What kind of flowers to give her? And most importantly, how close to the big day is it okay...
REPORT: Poilievre’s only hope is that floor-crossing MPs will destroy Liberal Party from within
OTTAWA – Recent data from Parliament Hill suggests that Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre’s only chance of becoming Prime Minister rests on the possibility that one of his MPs who have ...
Danielle Smith announces referendum to determine her position on Albertan Independence Referendum
“Also there will be an introductory referendum to determine what the question on my position referendum will be.” Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) talk about Carney&#...
Local nerd disappointed he didn’t get the long form census
TATAMAGOUCHE, NS – An event five years in anticipation turned to bitter disappointment this week, as a local census dweeb did not receive the coveted long form questionnaire. Local insufferable ...
Armageddon 2: Asteroid saves Earth from U.S. in Michael Bay sequel
LOS ANGELES – Twenty-eight years after Bruce Willis and a ragtag crew of oil drillers saved humanity from cosmic annihilation, Hollywood is finally answering the question nobody asked: What if ...
Julie K. Brown wins Pulitzer prize for report on Epstein’s [REDACTED]
Miami, [CENSORED] – Julie K. Brown of the Miami Herald has been awarded a Pulitzer Prize for her impactful work on the Jeffrey Epstein investigation and people like [EXPUNGED] who allowed [DELET...
Five places you may think you are safe from Canada Geese, but aren’t
With Spring fully in motion, we felt it prudent to keep Canadians informed of the ever present threat poised by Branta canadensis, better known as Canada geese, the leading cause of car wash visits an...
Vancouver Scientology speedrunning event attacked by sprinting Tom Cruise
VANCOUVER – Explosions rocked Vancouver’s downtown core Saturday afternoon as dozens of TikTokers forced their way into the Church of Scientology, only to be repelled by the force of actor Tom C...
Sundin: “Don’t worry, I’m used to propping up inept teammates in Toronto”
TORONTO – As the Maple Leafs unveil franchise great Mats Sundin as Senior Executive Advisor and Wendy’s franchisee John Chayka as GM, Sundin is assuring fans that he is used to succeeding ...
