Old hummus containers at the back of fridge form union
HALIFAX — Earlier today, following years of unrest and maltreatment, the old hummus containers at the back of Emily Cooper’s fridge officially announced the formation of a union, Very Old H…
Details of Brian’s keto diet endured by all
CALGARY – For the past six months, resident know-it-all and general dud, Brian Thomson has forced every exhausting detail of his new keto diet on his innocent co-workers, friends, and famil…
Liberals deny newly created ministry is just political sloganism, says Minister of Getting ‘Er Done has clear mandate
OTTAWA – Despite the controversy surrounding its creation, the Liberals are adamant that a new ministry devoted to getting ‘er done is necessary and not a cynical and transparent attempt to…
Conservatives hoping to find leader that might finally appeal to Alberta
OTTAWA – After failing to win government, many in the Conservative party are wondering whether they should replace Erin O’Toole with a leader that will really shore up support in Albe…
Bill Peters asks Calgary GM to forward apology to black player if he gets the chance
CALGARY – Calgary Flames coach Bill Peters has asked the team’s GM to forward his apology letter to the black player he racially taunted and put down while he was a coach in the minor leagu…
No one more excited for your divorce than also divorced Julie from finance
ST. CATHARINES, ONT – Following the announcement that Alison Hampstead and her husband of six years have decided to end their marriage, Julie Holloman, who works in the finance department, has se…
Trump pardons serial killer Son of Sam after learning about his military service
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump has issued a presidential pardon to the notorious serial killer Son of Sam after Trump discovered the murderer served for three years in the United St…
Sport that definitely doesn’t have a racism problem suffers second racism scandal of month
CALGARY – Hockey, a sport that everyone agrees has absolutely no problem with racism and if you say otherwise you are a social justice warrior trying to stir up trouble, is currently being …
America makes animal cruelty a federal crime, freeing up more cages for children
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States government has passed a law making animal cruelty a federal crime, a major step forward in addressing both animal rights issues and the increasingly dir…
Family selling van that each of their children lost their virginity in
BATHURST, NB – A 2008 Honda Odyssey that made multiple trips through Canada’s East Coast and was a hub for horny teens to lose their virginity in is up for sale. Rod, patriarch of the Delon…
